C

what am I getting myself into
hmmmm

I don't know
anything

why did I think
I could be
ready for this

panic.

Nakakapanibago

how stark different you are from him
the other so unreadable
with you
everything laid out
like tracks to a song

so rigid
untouchable, him
before you
and here you are
barely keeping your hands
off me

both of you speak of futures
with a me in it

things that scare me
things that affirm me
I am an end-goal
oriented
motivated 
kind of person

on his end, 
invested but undefined
on yours,
in it for the long run.

scary
Virgin Mary

in seconds
what I have wanted 
him to say
for years
came tumbling out 
of yours

no holding you back
but my fingers on your lips
no, please

right or wrong
true or not

in private
him vs you
nothing to compare with

you showed up
he shied away

to the world

both of you
takes some effort
to be
seen out in public with

neither here nor there

part of the territory
that's on me
that's on whoever's
arm I am on

Logistics.

Carpet. Yacht cabin. Captain's chair. Kitchen counter. Laundry closet. Hotel bathroom.