saturday

it gets messy, right?
at some point
we have to draw the line

limits and definitions
get blurry

when all I taste
on my mouth
is your tongue

when all I smell
when I inhale
is your scent

that spot on your chest
where I am just tall enough

not sure why
what
keeps me obsessing

when it's really not that good
all the time
right?
right?

you said so
I agreed
with a hearty laugh
we laughed
you're relieved

so what are we doing
this for
what keeps us
both
coming back for more

why play stupid
dear god
save the animals

-

Annoying as Fuck

I am not getting what I want
what I need
what I want
and what I need

I am getting
bitchy
and starting to act
like a little bitch

and I don't like it

I don't like me.

And by
guilt by association

Me no likey you no more.

C

what am I getting myself into
hmmmm

I don't know
anything

why did I think
I could be
ready for this

panic.

Nakakapanibago

how stark different you are from him
the other so unreadable
with you
everything laid out
like tracks to a song

so rigid
untouchable, him
before you
and here you are
barely keeping your hands
off me

both of you speak of futures
with a me in it

things that scare me
things that affirm me
I am an end-goal
oriented
motivated 
kind of person

on his end, 
invested but undefined
on yours,
in it for the long run.

scary
Virgin Mary

in seconds
what I have wanted 
him to say
for years
came tumbling out 
of yours

no holding you back
but my fingers on your lips
no, please

right or wrong
true or not

in private
him vs you
nothing to compare with

you showed up
he shied away

to the world

both of you
takes some effort
to be
seen out in public with

neither here nor there

part of the territory
that's on me
that's on whoever's
arm I am on

Logistics.

Carpet. Yacht cabin. Captain's chair. Kitchen counter. Laundry closet. Hotel bathroom.

Oh, Life

Sunday Habit
Mojito Mondays
Kinky Saturdays?

If you can't find structure in "what you do"
e.g. your "career"
e.g. your freelance work

At least,
Find some structure
in your Nocturnal Activities

Oh the People You Meet

When I was in university
Once I was drunk
and went with drunk friends
to go drinking on the street
Some back alley
near the outskirts of the metro
Somewhere known to be
rough
Poor and dirty
I think I was wearing nice boots
colorful loud stockings from Hong Kong
I remember drinking and laughing
making jokes
with some gay prostitutes
who were that evening's hosts.

I remember once also
I met this girl thru a friend
She was a young journalist
or studying to be one
or just starting out on her career
don't remember the specifics
I do remember thinking to myself
What a pretty girl
put together
Speaks eloquently
and boy does she look expensive
And when she left
My friend asked me,
can you keep a secret?
You know my friend,
she's a high class prostitute.
or an expensive escort
on dull nights.

Fast forward to the now
I have met these two sisters
the elder being
my close friend's boyfriend's older brother's girlfriend
(mouthful)
when you ask them what they do,
they say
Model.
Hey I'm in fashion, and I know what models look like
I take their measurements
I dress them,
help them undress.
And you, ma'am
are no model.
You could be,
however,
be a promo girl
or a car show model
but, no. Model, definitely not.

I do know you understand the word
Sponsor
not the kind that donates kind or money
in exchange for PR
but the kind that gives you a house
that your entire clan
(from your uncles to their wives and their children and your mother and her cousins)
could squeeze in
in exchange for some fucking

I understand your
younger sister
who seems to be a bigger "star"
has a long list of big name Sponsors
from people who represent our government
to the man who represents the country's fist


I have met
drunken loud gay hookers
proper expensive escorts
but I am quite
astounded by
whoring sisters.