Favourites

I am in love with the universe
there
I figured it out

I do not love you
you who blew my mind
whose photos I keep
touch I constantly remember
your smile it haunts me
I constantly want to talk to you
no
'tis not love
(the word 'tis belongs to you too)

nor you
who I said I love you to
cause you said it first
and I knew you didn't mean it
we were just saying it
because we both knew
how ridiculous it could probably be

ah that unexpected phone call
in a Japanese restaurant
in Notting Hill
your lazy accent
and drawling
dear lord
if you weren't such a male specimen
I swear you sound so gay

you said I should stay
and we could get married
have beautiful babies

wasn't the first time you said that
you rapped something
along those lines

oh white boys that rap
such a cute effort

your house
your gay flatmate
how you endlessly chatter
how you endlessly remind me of me

intense meets intense
nerdy but all man
quick to laugh
ah the perfect lover

no I do not love you
my British music producer in the making
nor you
my beautiful working class Dutch-Persian

though in those moments
I felt loved
I felt love

kissing on the streets of Europe
a stroll in the field

words only lovers utter
your boss perfume
grasping in between violet purple sheets
stolen moments by the pub

oh love

oh universe

Moody Myrtle

if I stop
if I go still and quiet
the little beads
of sadness
of the cold
will creep up on me

if I don't say it out loud
it doesn't seem real

without an audience
without a friend
to affirm
with just me knowing
it does not exist
it is nothing.

who has the right
to dictate
what goes on a diary

can something
anything

be kept a secret
private
on the great big abyss of the internet


---


I am annoyed that you are getting to me
you are right
he was right
she was right
I am not the most discreet person in the world
something I am that I never apologized for
why do I feel the need to correct that now
must be
cause you didn't get mad
just disappointed
ah but I feel the need
to please you
and I know
you are right
I am annoyed that you are getting to me