personal effects

I have a secret
not so secret
hiding in plain sight
cosmetic purse

should my mum
open it
all my tiny
not so tiny
daughterly sins
would come
tumbling out

emergency slut lacy panties
should there be
an unexpected
call for booty

must be
presentable
at all times
be ready,
like a girl scout

a box of condoms.

that should
rightly horrify parents
then on the off-chance
that it brings
some sense of security
(thank god she's being
safe & responsible)
I'd have to admit
the actual reason
why these 4-month old
rubber latex
are still
in their
original packaging
is that we
(yes we)
have stopped.
using condoms
and just rely
on my pills
and the
ever so unreliable
pulling-out
barely before
his ejaculation

sorry, mother

cigarettes
I have long quit smoking
the very month
I met this boy
cos I wanted to
cos he wanted me to
cos my pills require me to
but these recent days
oh, old habits
how you refuse to die

KY jelly
oh so innocently packaged
like toothpaste
how kind and discreet
your manufacturers are

a toothbrush
blue
the most innocent
article

could be, maybe, yes

but I am keeping
a toothbrush
for a boy
for the numerous sleepovers
check-ins
nights spent together
mornings waking up together
smelling like
each other's tongue

I am keeping
a toothbrush
that I bought for him
cos I care about his teeth

doesn't that
send you
to a slight panic?