I Wait For No One

yet I wait for you

for I am 8 hours ahead
seven in the summer

I wait for you
to get off work
to go online
to be chatty

I don't even feel sorry for myself
I am wondering though
if this makes me pathetic

but I wait for you

wait for what exactly

used to be to see each other
talk, with a video
oh creator of Skype
you should get a Nobel price

make myself look cute
while I stare at your handsome face
that stubble growing on me

conversation progresses
five, 6, eight hours pass
we watch videos, movies

talk intensely
beliefs, the world, food, music, the weather
I take a shower, you watch
the monitor is shaking
I know what you are doing
I give you something more to watch
high heels that drive you crazy

I make myself cum
you're watching
how many times
do I make you cum in a day

porn doesn't do it for you anymore
I amp up the heat
to prove a point
I hate that you look for porn
when I am here, so willing.

we talk more
I don't sleep
I wait for you still

then the things I say
get through to you

and maybe I wasn't paying close attention
or don't know you well enough
I met an intense man in the middle
of a personal struggle

and me being me
raised issues and questions

and that being that

oh it's so complicated
I can't
it's not about me

so I wait for you

then you stepped your foot down
asked to stop
not tone down
but to stop
all the sex stuff

porn addict wanting to get better
sex maniac with a moral conflict
child of God
(your words)
wanting to be true to his nature

okay, I say
I feel rejected, yes
but I understand
it is not about me
even if it was something I said
that triggered all this

and extrovert, feels me
did what I felt I had to do
at that moment
fessed up
to loving you

who does that shit?

you thanked me for my honesty
and things didn't get weird

we still talk around the clock
your parents know about me

but the video chats are few and far between
non-existent for the past month or so

I miss you terribly
and it doesn't feel like I can do something about it

I don't even want to let you know
but I slip once in a while
and I drop the M word

you do too
you say
you care a great deal about me
you say

when we do get to be together
you would want it to be pure

oh that makes my heart flutter

what am I waiting for again

oh, right
you.
Until your day catches up with mine
here I am waiting

I wait for our chance
just one chance
to see if this can be real