on this day

What am I unhappy about?

That I do not want to be here

That I worry about money all the time

That I have plans and dreams

And they are amazing

But I do not know how to fund them

That I feel sorry for myself

That I’m not comfortable

In the house I live in

This space used to be mine

Now I have no privacy

That I do not like my country

Or the industry

That I don’t particularly, generally

Like the people around me

Day in,

Day out

And you are my escape

Again.

Escape.

Pegged on a person, I’m sorry.

I do not like my life

It is nowhere near

Where I thought it would be

It is stellar in this and that aspect

But what do I have to show for

All this

All this

For what so far?

I wish I had a workshop

People employed

My stuff selling

People getting paid

Me getting paid

Money to buy dinner

Take people out

Wish I had my own space

My own bed, my own room

Money for tickets to fly to Europe

My clothes sold to buyers in bulk

Dear providence,

I am very thankful

Help me find what I am looking for

I need something

I need more

Remind yourself that this is just struggle

And not the sum of who you are

Not unhappiness,

Just struggle.

Tis temporary

Do not lose sight

Do not lose hope